Oftentimes there are problems that can disrupt even the most harmonious of couples, problems which go far beyond those of cheating or a loss of interest that can cause couples to stop being intimate and ultimately drive them to separation. Sometimes these issues don’t necessarily arise from a romantic incompatibility, but they can inevitably lead there. Financial, emotional or physical issues can be among some of the reasons why couples let the spark fade out. Here are 20 common reasons why most couples stop having sex.
The onset of menopause, which commonly occurs between the ages of 40 and 60, can cause sexual changes in women. During menopause, women’s ovaries are no longer producing estrogen, which can lead to a decrease in vaginal elasticity, muscle tone, and lubrication, and result in a lack of libido. Using high-quality lubricant and dedicating sufficient time to foreplay can ensure a more pleasurable experience.
An illness can affect a person’s sexual interest, depending on the severity of the illness and the physical and emotional impact it has on the person. Illnesses such as depression and anxiety, as well as serious conditions like cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, and arthritis, can also cause people to feel disconnected from their body or become preoccupied with the changes they are experiencing.
18. Lack of Self-Care
During the initial stages of a relationship, it is likely you took the time to be well-groomed and even well-dressed. But as a relationship progresses, that can all go out the window. So if you don’t take the time to look after yourself, why should your partner look after you?
17. Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction has become increasingly common; it is estimated that 52 percent of men are affected by it, according to the Massachusetts Male Aging Study. In fact, at the age of 40, approximately 40 percent of men are affected, and those rates rise to nearly 70 percent of men aged 70. Professionals recommend men be examined by a doctor, especially if they are suddenly unable to get an erection, as it may be the result of a genitourinary issue or a cardiovascular problem.
16. Religious or Personal Beliefs
While someone might be aware of why they don’t want to have sex, others may carry subconscious messages from their childhood that can deeply affect their desire for or aversion to sex. Speaking about their sexual histories and learning about a person’s family of origin can help uncover why this person holds this belief and help shine a light on this issue.
15. Birth Trauma
While it is almost a guarantee that no woman who went through childbirth wants to hear about it, men who witness the birth of a child can experience post-traumatic stress-like symptoms. This can in turn cause men to become unable to engage sexually with their partner, as they may not be able to look at the vulva the same way they did prior to seeing the birth. For women, the vaginal area may have suffered damage, so she might be traumatized by the rigorous experience, traumatized by childbirth complications, or experiencing postpartum depression,
14. Lack of Body Confidence
No matter one’s age, size or weight, feeling uncomfortable in your own skin can be a major obstacle to having a great sex life. Couples should be open to visiting a sex therapist to better communicate with their partners regarding their sexual issues and finding a solution in order to fully engage in a positive sexual experience.
13. Unfulfilling Sex
Near 75 percent of women never reach orgasm during sex, according to a comprehensive analysis of 33 studies. Although it may not occur every time, the lack of orgasms during sex could be off-putting for women.
12. Feeling Unwanted
If a partner feels like he or she isn’t wanted or desired, it can essentially be a turnoff. In long-term relationships, it can often become easy to get too comfortable with your partner and forget about the little things, such as telling your significant other they are attractive and how much you desire them. These small gestures or comments can make your partner feel important.
If one or both partners are unfaithful, rekindling a sexual connection can become very difficult. No matter who is cheating, trust is such an essential part of the intimate connection that if it’s not restored, the relationship can be lost. Couples therapy can help partners communicate better, but sometimes therapy alone is not sufficient to help couples. It can be a long process, from slowly reconnecting to changing the dynamic between partners.
10. Lack of Exercise
Working out not only gets your heart rate pumping; your body is releasing endorphins or feel-good chemicals in your brain that instantly put you in a better mood. This can increase your interest in sex along with increasing body confidence.
9. Lashing Out
Although rough days can deeply affect your mood, there is nothing wrong with sharing the details of a tough day with your significant other. But we can get caught up in our feelings and become dismissive, abrupt and use harsh words to express ourselves. If you are lashing out at them often, it’s no wonder your partner might not want to have sex with you.
8. Feeling Unappreciated
No one likes feeling as if they are being taken for granted, and this might be the root of the problem as to why your partner might not want to have sex with you. So how can you handle it? It’s best to find a moment to show them some attention. Asking caring questions, such as how they’re feeling or what can you do for them goes a long way. Quality time can demonstrate your dedication to your partner.
7. Tension in the Relationship
Tension can cause couples to feel as they are walking on eggshells around one another, which can later cause problems for couples. Professionals suggest that problems and tension can lead to the death of their sex lives. Addressing the resentments resolves the conflicts and improves communication.
6. Feeling Disconnected
If you happen to feel a disconnection from your partner, your sex drive can become affected, as you might be feeling cut off from their life. It is best to make your partner aware of how you are feeling and, most importantly, how you can fix this.
5. Never-Ending To-Do Lists
People always have a lot of things going on, but if your partner feels their to-do list is the size of a book rather than an actual list, it is likely your partner will pull away from sex. If your partner is constantly thinking about work, their boss, laundry, or the kid’s homework, it can be almost impossible for them to be interested in sex. Listening to your partner’s concerns or helping them with their list can help them get back into the groove.
4. Weight Change
Weight gain–or loss–can cause their partners to get thrown off their game. A partner may feel the body change is a threat or unattractive, but asking them to lose weight can be perceived as an insult. Instead, learn to accept your partner’s weight by focusing on their personality and the physical attributes you still find attractive.
3. Digital Distractions
With technology constantly around us, it can be difficult to watch a TV show or movie or go out to dinner without constantly looking at your phone. If this is happening often, it might be time to make some changes. Putting your phone away and reconnecting with your partner can provide a great boost to your sex life.
2. Financial Woes
It’s no surprise that financial issues can be the root of all problems in some relationships. Negative feelings towards your partner regarding unaddressed financial stressors can cause depression, anxiety, and a lack of sexual desire. Combining finances, managing budgets together and agreeing on financial goals as a couple can increase the sense of closeness, trust, and security.
Pain during sex can often prevent a partner, especially women, from wanting to engage in sex. There are a number of reasons as to why pain can strike during intercourse, and it should be brought to the attention of your physician immediately in order to to treat the discomfort. At times, this pain can be due to illnesses and conditions such as cancer or menopause. Lubricants and medical treatments can help, as well as pelvic floor exercises.